SA AKING MGA KAIBIGAN

to miss elegant...

-you're the very first friend i had in college. i could still remember the days, the hours we spent in my boarding house waiting for our next class. the sleeping time we shared..., the friendly competition we had in our General psychology subject... our studying together at the disselection room..haha.. i could almost draw tears everytime those memories would flash before my eyes. How did those moments end???
i really do not know.. we grew far from each other now.. i could almost say we're just mere acquaintances... but no... you are a friend...and forever be a friend.. i thank you for everything we've shared...
i'm sorry for my lapses..i'm sorry.. xin, i'm hoping to make up with you this comming year..


to goddess...
- you've been so good to me ... i appreciate how your concern reaches my heart.. they say you're indifferent..., but for me you're not... you are concerned...the problem is you blurt out words sometimes in an inappropriate manner...
i'm sorry. I walkedout yesterday,but i guess it was just right...
I was really hurt... I know, i have my responsibility. . . what i just want to hear from you upon asking if i could go ahead was just a statement that i need to stay. you need not to tell me sarcastically. . . i wwas really hurt...

i didn't know you're thinking "those things" about me... i felt it from your words...
i'm sorry to tell this.. but i guess you need to know that this wound you've caused me seem to heal in due time...not these days.

to sancha...
-you are really a sister to me.. you know how to discipline me the way that my feelings are not hurt and the way that i could understand things better. i thank you for everything...
words are not enough to show how i appreciate you... and my actions seem not to show mylove for you as a friend...
I'm sorry for my lapses.. i hope you wont grew tired guiding me in the direction of goodness and chastity... I was, i am and i will always be thankful to HIM of giving me a friend and a special person...

to knight...
-an ever deareast friend.. understands me,,, thankyou.

i know i've kept secrets on you and i really am secured 'till now that those beans i've poured on you won't spill....

i will forever treasure you as my friend.. i hope you'll keep me as yours the way i keep you...


to x-iniibig
-thankyou for letting me feel things i never wish to feel... you showed me that there are still honest people that exists.that there are people who changed for the people they love. i appreciate every moment we had since you've shifted in our course...and even before you did..hehe

to miss bouquet...
i appreciate your goodness to me. i really do. i hope you wont grew tired being my friend..
i say sorry for not letting you know the important things that has happened to me and is happening to me... i'l forever treasure you ji.. i've so blessed to have you amy friend..and keep being a blessing to persons you'll be meeting in the future.

to paradise..
to starbright
to madonna
to gorgeous...
tobe continued. . .

CARELESS WHISPERS

my wealth...

my strength...

my life...

these are the terms i considered the most accurate description of what my friends are...

they are always there...

a shoulder to cry on..

a clown to make me laugh...

an anti-drowse medicine that make me stay sane...

a large stone ready to knock me on my head to wake me up...

a sleeping pill when i need rest...

an embrace when i need comfort...

a hug when i need love...

a penny in my pocket when im hungry...

they are there to bear everything with me, on me and for me...

they are all i ever had and have...

yet still for the fact that they are my friends, the place they occupy in my heart is FRIENDSHIP...

i have longed for someone to fill the empty space inside this blood-pumping organ of mine..., my heart..

i came to meet someone ... someone i guess who's capable of filling up the empty space in me...

I started dating him just a month ago..

I felt every friend i have is against him...

i guess they're just right.. i have known him for just a short time..

i understand.. just imagine.. i kissed a stranger in front of the cinema screen.. a stranger i knew for just a week and a half .. ONLY.. ..hahaha.. sooo bad.

i should not feel choked..

I should not feel strangled... YET I DO..

their whisper of advices, whisper of concerns has different impact on my well-being..

I feel...

i feel so wrong.

their being too sensitive.. ahhhhhhhhhhh

i just can't tell them how i really feel..

i cant...

i do appreciate their parently love yet a part of my heart and a part of my mind revolt....

"Sometimes, I just can't tell anybody how i really fee, not because i don't know why,

not because i don't know my purpose,

not because I don't trust them,

but decause I can NEVER REALLY FIND the RIGHT WORDS to MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND... "

benefit of the doubt

'twas Saturday, the 7th of November.

an ordinary day I thought.

indeed, it was...

same old routine. school/seminar...

four o'clock in the afternoon we're about to leave the seminar when,. . . "I've got a feelin', that tonight's gonna be a good night" a friend of mine sang this line.

i laugh. . .and said, "really?. sige eh"

we exited because we have to prepare food for that night's activity.

it was about 8pm when we arrived at the venue of the activity that supposedly has started 6pm. I thought then, is this a good night?? hahaha... we're late...

the night ended and some of us went home but the most, planned to stay in a friend's house. just before we arrived there, another unfortunate event happened that caused everybody to panic, draw tears and to feel so unlucky.

Again i said... is this a good night??? haha confirmed a very GOOD night...='(

the dusk had come to and end and the dawn started breaking. everybody who had been in panic and worry started to feel tired. the chaos of their minds and emotions faded as the intensity of my heartbeat started to heighten.

i happen to notice, for that moment only, a fair man, not so tall, having a chubby face with a goatee who for in fact, has been in the company for that night. i happened to to look at him closely soon after our eyes met, seeing his eyebrows move the unusual way...

i ddn't know what had happened soon before i noticed, we're sitting on the same couch. as he massage my head with . . .ambot nu tawag sato...

soon after that night... we're closed... i cant take him off my mind..

i didnt know what i did or what he did.. i then found myself kissing him in front of the bigscreen... hahaha

it felt so wrong but i felt good enough to overthrow the wrongness i felt.. hahaha

i'm giving myself a favor...

i've been so empty for quite sometime, falling for girls, and falling for gays...

i've been so unfair with boys.. hahaha..

is it them to be blamed?? cause they can't blame me too...

now i'm giving myself the benefit of the doubt...

my life is too short to waste with disappointments and boubts..

=)

hope falls yet still hoping

Another day of hard work, another day of busy life was over.

I walk home in lonesomeness, seeing people pass by laughing. i walk in a very slow pace noticing people overtake me. 'twas a cold starless night.

I heard my phone rang. i fished the phone in my bag. Just before i could see who was calling, 'Battery Empty' was displayed on the screen of my phone and the ringing ended. I was so bothered who called.but soon after i arrived home, i figured out it was 'HIM'.

my heart has beaten differently this past few years whenever i receive messages from him. i get excited, happy, blooming and gay. I feel my blood rushing through my veins. my heart is full of something unexplainable. Complicated may this feeling seem, yet it felt good.

He is my long-admired guy.he's slender, brown-skinned, shiny-haired gorgeous 'julz'.

I have liked him ever since the day we first met. He has become my ideal/dream/right guy.

I have longed of him since the very first day we met.

we became friends, and i never thought, that's all we could ever be.

he has treated me more than a casual friend does. he calls me, and i feel he flirts at me.. that's how green i am,

interpreting simple ways of a sweet friendly man to a childish malicious gal, interpreting HIS ways to ME.

i was boosted with confidence and hopes as years pass that we still treat each other as though we're lovers.

i was a fool to think that it was like that."best friends" that's all we could ever be.

I charged my phone, a minute later my phone rang again. It was him."hello" i answered. and the conversation lasted for over 20 mins,

my hopes had rushed yet in a level of talking to a friend and not to a lover. I hesitated to talk but his voice was very inviting that i answer the usual way.

It can never be us, though he said possibility is on the way. I am losing my hope though I could still feel our intimacy.

i'm wishing this hope won't vanish until the it came the very day i ever wanted.

I was imprisoned in the thought that i and him be US. i had even told myself, "if not him, better not have any".

but i guess my heart had grown tired. yet still my little hopes lingers though it is gradually and eventually fading.

he said, goodnight and i did too. i still wear on my smile until the moment i close my eyes. . .

out nothing i said..."attract positive energy, just believe and everything will come true."

undefined

I've known her for quite some time. She's a girl with a sweet smile, the girl with great, head-turner physique. She's gorgeous, really gorgeous.

I've been with her for quite so long now. I spend most of my time with her. She knows almost everything about me; my birthday, favorite colors, health status, favorite past time, my crushes, my-one-and-only-love, my first heartbreak, my second heartbreak and maybe my next heartbreaks...

she's my ever dearest friend since I've stepped into college.She's there whenever i needed someone to talk to, someone to understand my foolishness. she was the only girl who had convinced me that i am loved. she was the only person whom i could pour on my feelings and emotions, the only person whom i can trust with my darkest, my most daring secrets. but this time, i guess she shouldn't know this feeling; she shouldn't know this longing; she shouldn't know this foolish infatuation.

it was summer when i first felt this crazy strange feeling. my eyes suddenly met hers in the middle of the day.The sun's shining up high when a ray of an eccentric light struck her eye, i saw a peculiar a spark. Her aura seemed to caught and never freed my attention.

i am now troubled and confused. Am i still me? Have I lost my sanity?

i look at her, i fake a smile to hide my aches and pains.

i look at her, i pretend I'm OK...

i smile.. i laugh..

she's the girl of my dreams...

how can i face her??

how long can i keep this??

this is the only confession I'll try not to let her know... but i guess she's smart enough to figure out that whom i refer to is HER. I should have read the signs. . . I should have been careful with these signs...

this is the strangest, craziest, skull-cracking maze I've ever entered...

I'm falling in love with her...

I am MariaJoLisa. . . a girl full of hopes and dreams yet . . .

trapped with her, with her gorgeous looks, with her irresistible smile...

NEVER TO TRUST LADS AGAIN

as in...

life indeed circles in trust

Yet The foundation of my trust has ruined.

Thank you for making me realize that I, We, Girls,  CAN NEVER TRUST YOU...

you still stick on your typical you.... your nature will always be like that and whatever happens, you'll never violate that nature.

I guess I was wrong...

 I am wrong...

And it will always be wrong...

keep the good work you bull shit...

you really are good in hiding your true you...

YOU"VE GOT THE BEST MASK EVER...

On the Other side of the Road

Trix, an intelligent weirdo, was on her way to school. She didn’t seem to be excited though it’s her first day on a university. She’s a fresh high school graduate entering a wider world, the world of college beings.

She was walking alone. Everybody seemed to be avoiding her. She wore a long skirt, just an inch above her ankle; topped with a blouse having long sleeves, just an inch below her elbow; with round reading glasses having black frame.
She walked in the classroom. Everybody was hesitant to talk to her. This scenario is not more unusual for her. She was used to that type of dealing with people. She opted to isolate herself and talked to no one.

She is every time alone.

Her house, just a few blocks away from school, looks so lonely like her ocean blue eyes. It’s quite big, full of glamorous furniture, glittering chandeliers and expensive decorations yet EMPTY, empty of life, empty of colour, and empty of love.
She was empty but not until one day...

On a sunny morning, Trix was in a hurry. The bell has rung and she hasn’t left their house yet. She was in a fast pace as she walked. On her rush, she bumped a young man of 19, riding on a bicycle heading on the same direction. Trix stumbled on the other side of the road’s intersection. She fainted and lost her breath for a moment.

“Miss..., miss..., are you ok?” the young man was constantly tapping her shoulders. He fainted and decided to carry Trix on her arms and bring her to the hospital. Just before he got a taxi, Trix opened her eyes, seemed to be catching her breath. The young man uttered, “miss, I’m gonna take you to the hospital.” “No, I’m gonna be late for my 9am class, I’m ok, I’m ok,” Trix responded.

“I insist”

“No please...”

The young man let her down and let her walk. But as Trix took few steps, she collapsed feeling her lower limbs shaking. The young man offered help and Trix couldn’t refuse the young man’s offer anymore.


“I’m Drew, and you are..?” the young man asked her politely as they were on their way to school. “I’m Trix.” She answered with a sweet smile on her lips.
That event was the start of their romantic love tale.


Trix’s life brightened because of Drew. Since the day Drew stepped into her world, everything changed. Drew has altered her monotony. She fell so deep in love with him, making him the centre of everything. Trix was WILLING TO GIVE EVERYTHING for her one and only, her only hero her savior from the vast ocean of hatred, anger and despise.
She was then grateful of having Drew.By that moment; HER GREATEST FEAR is TO LOSE DREW.


ON their first month, her gift to Drew was her WHOLENESS, HERSELF naked. She was SEVENTEEN then, too young, inexperienced.

Months later, Drew never showed up. He’s missing, gone with the wind. His friends were worried, concerned of where might he be. They wanted to talk to Trix but her heart was full of a mixture of anger and guilt so she didn’t showed up.

AT THE BALCONY of the house, an old woman of 57 is holding a photograph of a teenage couple, a 17-year old girl and a 19-year old guy. The woman is closely looking at the photo with tears running down her cheeks and silently whispers in grief these words: “I shouldn’t have done that. ,..I shouldn’t have done that.” She closes her eyes and embraces the OLD PHOTOGRAPH. Scenes of the past flash before her pressed eyes.

She CONCEIVED yet refused to be a mother.


She wanted to live her life with DREW ALONE.


“Babe, I was pregnant, but I got rid of the child before everybody would know,
Babe, we can life alone, just the two of us.” She uttered with a chilling voice.


Drew was shocked with what he had just heard. He remained expressionless and suddenly after a moment he burst into tears and ran away with no direction.


Trix followed him after a moment of tears. As she stepped outside their door, she saw people rushing to the corner of the street. They were heading to a man bathed with blood lifeless on the other side of the road...


She drowned in tears realizing that the bloody man on the other side of the road was her one and only DREW.

A walk to realization

I was walking. I looked around. I felt the cool wind touched my cheeks, the cool wind that blew my wavy hair. My eyes roamed and saw the well-trimmed grasses. I smelled the aroma of the newly cut leaves. It was soothing and relaxing. I extended my arms, closed my eyes and drew a full yawn. As I open my eyes, I marvelled at the gorgeous appeal of nature to me that day. The feeling was strange but it was good. I looked up the sky and thanked. I thank for every organism my eyes could glance at, for everything that exist.

I continued walking along the corridor in front of the lined up classrooms, facing the grass field. I touched the walls of the classroom as I pass by. The coolness of the walls penetrated my hand and soon after reached my elbows. I felt nature has given me, us, the very best. I perceived everything was carefully and lovingly prepared just for me, for me to enjoy and to reflect on. I suddenly I uttered, “Life is indeed beautiful beyond reasonable doubts”

I continued walking, everything I see, I praised truly and sincerely. I admired everything. I didn’t notice I was heading to the lady’s comfort room. I was feeling well but something’s pulling me to get in. I walked in the comfort room. Few steps from the doorway, I heard the drippings of the water from a half closed faucet. I can’t explain why those drops of water seemed to have rhythm in my psyche. ‘tadada dada da..’ was my sudden utterance. I noticed the huge mirror on my right. I turned and saw my reflection. I studied every detail of my being, from my eyelashes, my neck, and my hips down to my waist.

I stepped closer to the mirror to see my image clearer. I stared at my eyes. My eyeballs are big. They’re round and black with dark blue lining. I made few steps backward and noticed that my eyes look like those of an Indian. I smiled. I again stepped forward closer to the reflector. I suddenly noticed the red orange spots on my face, dark spots on my neck and arms because of my allergies. I then frowned for the thoughts that crossed my mind. I was never beautiful. My colour seemed to defy all the beauty I have. I took a look outside. I saw the beautiful views, beautiful colours of nature. I then sound a rich chuckle thinking that life is fair. I may be not beautiful, yet at least, I have lived in a beautiful place. “Isn’t thriving in a pretty place magnify my NOT-SO-BEING-BEAUTIFUL?” I guess no. It’s what I interpret as FAIRNESS.
But honestly,I’m not contented with that kind of “fairness”...

I can see other things as gorgeous creations why can’t I see myself like that???

I then faced the mirror back. I looked at my entire being.
Spots?..So what?
Dark skin?...So what?


I am beautiful in my own simple being...^^,

The Movie

I met him through a friend. He’s name is Cris and mine is Kris. We laughed because our names sound alike. =) . By the time we were introduced to each other by a common friend, I already noticed his obvious beauty. His eyes are round and expressive. They glow with feelings and emotions. His lips are in perfect shape, not so full, not so thin just perfectly good. He is skinny yet attractive in my own perception. But his very asset, which struck me most and left me in awe, was his bouncy shiny hair. It makes him totally gorgeous.

“Hi Kris,” he said with a soft and warm voice. Painted with a sweet smile, my face blushed. I looked at him and our eyes met. I then answered back “hello there Cris, have a seat =).”

I started the conversation to make the moment not dull. I asked where they were before they went over my place. He said they watched a horror suspense movie. Excitedly, I asked him to retell the movie for me.

At first, I was closely listening to his every word. I lean forward to hear him clearer. I looked at him and listened enthusiastically. A moment later, I didn’t pay attention to what he was saying anymore; I got focused on his ways, the blink of his eyes, his not-so-fake smile, and the move of his hair every time his fingers comb it from his forehead to his nape. The day ended with sweet “goodnights” and “see ya” yet I never knew how the story goes and ends, all I know was his beautiful ways.

I enjoyed his company. He is funny with sense.

Our first meeting was really good but after that we never had a chance to bond with each other again. Our class schedules aren’t that friendly to us. I seldom see him in the campus but when I do, great things happen; Butterflies would be around, flying with scents; Soft music would be playing on my psyche; Flowers would be falling from the sky. But all of a sudden, with just a snap, a blink of an eye, everything would go back to normal, watch him pass by me. Moments like this just rewind until the semester ends.

I was losing hope of going near him. Unexpectedly, on a hot summer afternoon, about 3 in the afternoon, I received an SMS from an unregistered number on my phone. Soon after, I knew it was him...
My little knowledge of who he was plus his unique messaging resulted to the formulation of an image, the image of my perfect man.

Fantasizing and giving other meanings to his texts supplemented my lacks- that is the desire of being with him whenever I want to.

Our first acquaintance-bonding was his retelling of a movie. I never expected he’d invite me to watch a movie in the movie house. By the time he asked me out, I abruptly said yes, no hesitations, no doubt.

I met him again. I looked at him closely. He’s very the same and so was the feeling. I wanted to hug him tight to feel his warmth yet a blanket of bashfulness covered the entire me and hindered me to do so. The movie started and I got to know him better in front of the cinema screen. I’ve got the pleasure of time watching him sleep in front of the cinema screen. Looking at him, his lips are very inviting yet I resisted the call of my flesh and redirected the window of my being to the big cinema screen. I closed my eyes and put my head on his shoulder wishing we’ll be meeting on a common dream.

A Letter To Pop

November 18, 1997

Dear Pop,
I wish you’ll forgive me Pop. I just can’t take it anymore. I’m sorry Pop.

Yesterday, I went to Sue’s house. I fetched her. We are to watch a scary movie but her mind changed and she decided to stay. She said we’ll stay on her place. Her mom and dad are out for the business trip so we’re very free to do whatever we want. Looking at her eyes, I saw the fire in full blast. I flashed her a naughty smile, said “why not?”, and bit my lower lip.

Their house is quite big, just a duplex. . We stayed in their spacious living room. We spent our time playing scrabble, talking and talking. We got bored. Suddenly, she stood. She asked me to go upstairs, in her room. Flashing her white teeth, she was very inviting as she projected a very naughty smile. I tried to refuse but before I could speak, fire rush through my head and my body just followed her magnetic ways. She touched my lips with hers as we walked toward her room. She slowly unbuttoned my pants. She touched my hips and rolled her fingers on my back. She pushed the door with her rich butt but the door was locked so she stopped kissing me and fished the keys on her pockets. She opened the door and got in.

She unbuttoned her blouse as her sexy hips swayed. It seems like she’s drawing me nearer her. She kissed me. She took off her skirt. She laid me on her bed. I was perfectly stunned. I could feel my adrenaline flowed rapidly on my body. I then took of my shirt and pants as I felt the warmth of her body. I felt the heat of the moment as I screw and screw in to her.

That moment lasted for almost half an hour. I closed my eyes and sensationalized her presence. My mind ran so calmly. A single thought was the only on my mind. I finally found the girl whom I’ll spend my life with. I opened my eyes and I saw her charming face smiling as she slept. I again closed my eyes. A moment later, I was awaken by a sound of a dripping water outside her room. I rose to see what it was. I opened the door and the sunlight struck my eye. It was already 8 o’ clock in the morning. I turned back. I saw no one. She was already gone. I wondered where she could be. I called her but only thing I could hear back was my echo. I noticed that the house was very dusty. I looked at the stained mirror, which was still clear the night before. My heart was beating faster and faster. I almost run after my breath. I then fixed up. I got out of the house. I look back. To my surprise it looked so old, seemed an abandoned house for several years. I hurriedly hailed a taxi and gone home.

I got in my room. Mom handed me a letter. It was from Sue’s mom. It was dated October 9, 1997. But before I read the letter, I remembered Sue and I fought a month ago. We broke up because she has other guy. I didn’t mean to slap her that time...

“ She loves you very much. Why have you done that? You’re the only guy she ever loved. She’s dead. . . Why have you done that? “ the letter said.

I shed tears. My hands numbed. My sweat felt so cold. My conscience was going against me.

Pop, I killed her. I just can’t take it. She’s unfaithful. Pop, I killed her. I killed her.

By the time you’re reading this, I maybe dead too. She’s my life and the reason why I live.

I’m sorry .

Always faithful,
Jack

CHANCE?... CHASE

She was fooled once.
She fooled herself twice.
She regretted thrice.

She had her gentleman caller but she was taken as an option of his man. She was hurt. That was really tricky. He was believable but he lied. The love offered wasn't promised to last forever but he swore he loved her but it was a lie, a lie that penetrated her weak heart. This caused her to stick in a principle "TRUST NOT BUT YOURSELF"

Half a month later, he came back, back to her arms again, saying he realized that he loved her more than the other girl. He courted her again. By the second time, she gave him a chance, a second chance to show that his love was true. She let herself drown under the spell of sweet words, and the charm of his flowery tongue. She let herself be drifted away from the thing she stood upon. She gave her heart and they already were... considered as Lovers. First days were good. Their tale lasted for only a MONTH. He broke up with her for the reason of 'losing the appetite'She then opened her mind and let him go. She understood that love has FADED. The chance was wasted...


She tried to be strong. She never cried but inside she's drowning in tears. She never cried but deep inside she's bleeding. She never cried but inside her, she was rapidly DYING...She tried to smile and hide the pain that kills her. She tried to to laugh to hide the sorrows in her eyes. She tried to be HAPPY to CONCEAL her grief.


Everything then went ok behind her welcoming FACADE. She exhausted herself in studies. She let herself be submerged in her commitments and responsibilities in school. Everything went fine. A 3-month silent mourning is enough. A 3-month sadness is over.She was ready then to face the world with TRUE SMILE, TRUE LAUGHTER and TRUE HER. But a day of another heartache came...


He AGAIN came back, confessed again that he still loved her. He said he realized that REAL importance of her to him.. His life was empty without her. LOVE has led him back to her. HE tried to hug her.. HUG her TIGHT and asked another CHANCE, Chance to beTHEM BOTH again, chance to show the unexpressed feelings and chance to fulfill whatever needs to be fulfilled.



She LOVED HIM STILL...MORETHAN he ever think she did...


She wanted to give him another Chance, FOR THE LAST TIME. BUT before she could utter her heart, her mind spoke for her.




"I LOVED YOU TOO... BUT I CAN'T TRUST YOU AGAIN... I CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE MYSELF AGAIN..."


After this, I never know what happened to HER..The last thing I heard... She regretted.

help me...!!!

Beauty of Prohibitions: bakit masarap ang bawal

Today's people is living in a taboo society in the eyes of our senior generations. I can't blame them for thinking of us as negative. I know we have different perspectives in life. As the scenes of everyday living in the city projects, we are living in a community of prohibitions and restrictions. and we seem to disobedient on the rules imposed to our faces. I am skin asthmatic. I live in a life of restrictions. I have this long long list of not to eat foods. NO PORK, CHOCOLATE, ICE CREAM, CAKE, PEANUTS!!! But still I'm thankful I could eat banana and papaya...haha!! all of those I've mentioned are just a few in my list, I just wrote my favorites. Sometimes i just can't feel living. I can't enjoy life with no spice, I mean I don't enjoy not enjoying my favorites..^^, At first I frequently give in to temptation of eating pork. It's yummy. Nothing tastes like PORK does.=) I sometimes eat chocolate....waaaahhhh. It's really my favorite, and it' be classic.Chocolate will always be chocolate. I'm also tempted to eat peanuts and when it calls, I answer it with a big YES!!. Why do I always give in to simple temptations? What if serious temptation calls? Shall I give in to them impulsively?? I guess just loose control when it comes to my ego...=) I am the unica ija of the family. I carry a great pressure on my shoulders. It'll be a great SHAME on my part and on my family's if I.. you know... get pregnant before i get married... or shall I say preggy without a husband... "eew.. disgusting."
Why is conception of a baby always go with the teenage relationship.. what I mean is getting pregnant in the stage of going steady...
I turned nineteen last year's november 18.
and I still feel that I'm too young to have a relationship.. whew...
my mom always remind me not to engage to that... haha.. but i did have a boyfriend before i turned 19..

it lasted only for a month and 5 deays...

during those days... I felt soooo guilty.
We kept our relationship from my parents, only my brother Den knew it.

In my blood runs the blood of being a spinster.. hehe.
my maternal and paternal granparents' sisters and brothers are spinsters,..
hehehe,,.. but if i'll be like them too, I'd be happy to share my first and only lovetale,,,..

the feeling of the sensation having in mind that you have done something wrong is sometimes good.
hehe.. that makes LIFE exciting, I guess,
It makes life worth living.. maybe a perfect life would be boring... What do you think?

maybe that's the beauty of imposing do's and don't's, imposing standards of living, and imposing what should and what shouldn't be.

doing things against the norms is drawing the feeling of GUILT, EXCITEMENT, SATISFACTION and lots of undefineable feling inside.

BAkit nga ba msarap ang hindi dapat?, ang bawal?
IT's not the being "BAWAL" that makes it beautiful and satisfying. It is the feeling of thrill, and excitement, with the spice of guilt brought by the fact that it is bawal.

tale untold... II

The break up was immediate... then we became friends again, few days after..

ms. magnet was there, but she never asked...
She was a witness of my fooloish love"kuno"story.. she was there... but I felt she understood and she diidn't asked about it..

Ms. magnet was a long time admirer of mr. nice guy...
She was obviously obssesed with him.. she was obviously doing things to seduce mr. nice guy...

between mr. mover and ms. magnet... everything was ok... I guess..
but in depth search of truth, I felt there's tension between them.. I guess because they both like mr. nice guy...

I was in all suport with ms. magnet... (I guess you'll be too if you're in my situation.,,=0)
I could say that i'm always VERY TRUE to her, but I can proudly announce that jst reflect what she does to me... I guess I do It to everyone??

our friendship is somehow deep,,,.. I guess??,
but as mr. nice guy accompany me always... I just don't if he always accompany me because he wanted to avoid mr. mover???,, I just don't know...
But The fact Is ... as I can see it, Mr. Mover avoids me in a ... I mean... In his simple ways...
the fact is.. he doesn't like me... well.. It's a good start for me then...


I said I won't be back to the chain of Hopeless romanticism...

But I guess I found myself to be THERE AGAIN...


i'm not in FAll with mr. nice guy.. but I'M feeling something different... a CRUSH I guess..,

I don't want this to be in the knowledge of my friend ms. magnet... but...

I DID TELL her.. hmmmm... maybe I'm that Honest...

now.. I'm in the chain again...


to be continued...