Beauty of Prohibitions: bakit masarap ang bawal

Today's people is living in a taboo society in the eyes of our senior generations. I can't blame them for thinking of us as negative. I know we have different perspectives in life. As the scenes of everyday living in the city projects, we are living in a community of prohibitions and restrictions. and we seem to disobedient on the rules imposed to our faces. I am skin asthmatic. I live in a life of restrictions. I have this long long list of not to eat foods. NO PORK, CHOCOLATE, ICE CREAM, CAKE, PEANUTS!!! But still I'm thankful I could eat banana and papaya...haha!! all of those I've mentioned are just a few in my list, I just wrote my favorites. Sometimes i just can't feel living. I can't enjoy life with no spice, I mean I don't enjoy not enjoying my favorites..^^, At first I frequently give in to temptation of eating pork. It's yummy. Nothing tastes like PORK does.=) I sometimes eat chocolate....waaaahhhh. It's really my favorite, and it' be classic.Chocolate will always be chocolate. I'm also tempted to eat peanuts and when it calls, I answer it with a big YES!!. Why do I always give in to simple temptations? What if serious temptation calls? Shall I give in to them impulsively?? I guess just loose control when it comes to my ego...=) I am the unica ija of the family. I carry a great pressure on my shoulders. It'll be a great SHAME on my part and on my family's if I.. you know... get pregnant before i get married... or shall I say preggy without a husband... "eew.. disgusting."
Why is conception of a baby always go with the teenage relationship.. what I mean is getting pregnant in the stage of going steady...
I turned nineteen last year's november 18.
and I still feel that I'm too young to have a relationship.. whew...
my mom always remind me not to engage to that... haha.. but i did have a boyfriend before i turned 19..

it lasted only for a month and 5 deays...

during those days... I felt soooo guilty.
We kept our relationship from my parents, only my brother Den knew it.

In my blood runs the blood of being a spinster.. hehe.
my maternal and paternal granparents' sisters and brothers are spinsters,..
hehehe,,.. but if i'll be like them too, I'd be happy to share my first and only lovetale,,,..

the feeling of the sensation having in mind that you have done something wrong is sometimes good.
hehe.. that makes LIFE exciting, I guess,
It makes life worth living.. maybe a perfect life would be boring... What do you think?

maybe that's the beauty of imposing do's and don't's, imposing standards of living, and imposing what should and what shouldn't be.

doing things against the norms is drawing the feeling of GUILT, EXCITEMENT, SATISFACTION and lots of undefineable feling inside.

BAkit nga ba msarap ang hindi dapat?, ang bawal?
IT's not the being "BAWAL" that makes it beautiful and satisfying. It is the feeling of thrill, and excitement, with the spice of guilt brought by the fact that it is bawal.

tale untold... II

The break up was immediate... then we became friends again, few days after..

ms. magnet was there, but she never asked...
She was a witness of my fooloish love"kuno"story.. she was there... but I felt she understood and she diidn't asked about it..

Ms. magnet was a long time admirer of mr. nice guy...
She was obviously obssesed with him.. she was obviously doing things to seduce mr. nice guy...

between mr. mover and ms. magnet... everything was ok... I guess..
but in depth search of truth, I felt there's tension between them.. I guess because they both like mr. nice guy...

I was in all suport with ms. magnet... (I guess you'll be too if you're in my situation.,,=0)
I could say that i'm always VERY TRUE to her, but I can proudly announce that jst reflect what she does to me... I guess I do It to everyone??

our friendship is somehow deep,,,.. I guess??,
but as mr. nice guy accompany me always... I just don't if he always accompany me because he wanted to avoid mr. mover???,, I just don't know...
But The fact Is ... as I can see it, Mr. Mover avoids me in a ... I mean... In his simple ways...
the fact is.. he doesn't like me... well.. It's a good start for me then...


I said I won't be back to the chain of Hopeless romanticism...

But I guess I found myself to be THERE AGAIN...


i'm not in FAll with mr. nice guy.. but I'M feeling something different... a CRUSH I guess..,

I don't want this to be in the knowledge of my friend ms. magnet... but...

I DID TELL her.. hmmmm... maybe I'm that Honest...

now.. I'm in the chain again...


to be continued...